Mother and Father
Relationship with Mother
Regardless of what is said about the mother-child relationship, the fact is that each person has only one birth mother. No matter what she thought, did or said and how she treated or treats you, she is the only one. She is the only one you had, the only one you have, and you will not have another birth mother. Do you agree?
Why should you have in your heart a good relationship with your mother? Because she is source of your life, regardless of everything. You do not have to listen to her, you do not even have to keep in touch with your mother if you think she hurt you so much.
Experience gained during sessions in the “Spokojny Planer Languages & Emotions” group and the research conducted on ESBS (Emotional Speech Block Syndrome) gave me the possibility to conclude that there are usually three main types of attitudes towards mothers, fathers, parents and childhood:
- Child (adult child) thinks their mother (or father) is the best in the world and thinks that there is nothing to work on in this area, that the mother-child relationship is perfect.
- Child thinks that she/he will never forgive their mother and, therefore, there is nothing to work on in this area.
- Child has correct, even very good relationship with their mother, but does not remember their childhood and, therefore, thinks that there is nothing to work on in this area.
On the contrary, there is quite a lot to work on. Which one reflects your situation or, if you have different feelings, describe them.
Exercise for relationship with mother.
You can heal your relationship with mother in your heart by writing four phrases, observing your body and its reactions:
1. Mother, I love you.
2. Mother, I forgive you everything.
3. Mother, I am sorry for everything.
4. Mother, thank you for everything you have taught me.
Think about your birth mother and rewrite these phrases. Let your tears flow and clean your body and mind.
You love your mother because she gave you your life. You forgive her because you have so many things to forgive. You are sorry because it was not possible for you to perceive your relationship the way you do it today. You appreciate everything she has taught you, giving you positive and encouraging example or, on the contrary, the one that you do not consider to be right to follow. She has taught you so much also by showing you how not to behave.
Now, imagine a little girl coming to you – she is your mother. Years ago, she also was a little girl watching the whole world and trying to understand everything she experienced, saw and felt. From the very beginning of her life, she was trying to understand the whole world; she developed so many defence mechanisms, she experienced so much…
Rewrite the above phrases once again. Work with them once a day, rewrite them more or less mechanically.
People always have something to work on in the relationship with their mother or father, something from the childhood. For example, it may be an emotion felt before your birth: mother’s anxiety, fear, stress and worry. It is worthwhile to look for and work on it, then, you will continue the journey of life without the burden of difficult and worrying emotions.
Mental exercise for relationship with mother from whom your tree branch originates.
Imagine your heart hugging your mother’s heart. Heart to heart. Do not think about your mother as about a person. Sometimes, there are too many wounds and much more time and forgiveness is needed for them to heal. Imagine only two hearts, two hearts tightly hugging each other, your heart and your mother’s heart
Relationship with Father
Maybe he existed in your life for unimaginably short time, but you owe him that one cell. As long as your relationships with your parents (mother and father) are not healed in your heart, your parents will be present in your life in the form of other people, mostly as your superiors.
Try to find out what annoys you the most in your supervisor? What do you accuse him/her of? What could he/she do better? If you work in a corporation, look for the characteristics of your superiors. If you have liberal profession, look for the characteristics of your customers, products or services. If you do not work professionally, look for the characteristics of your partner, flatmate or neighbour. Enumerate all the characteristics, behaviours, approaches and attitudes that annoy you most in men you encounter.
The following exercises related to your relationship with your father will help and protect you from meeting such people on your way anymore, so that those people who are already on your way will not annoy and upset you anymore. Life makes you meet them in order for you to understand that thanks to emotions different than “love and acceptance” you may discover that there is something to work on from the past. This is why cleaning your thoughts transfers you to another dimension. The dimension where you do not have difficult lessons to learn and your life may go on in peace and love.
Now, please recall your childhood. Is it possible that you could, as a small child, feel the same emotions? Is it possible that such emotions, maybe to a lesser extent, were aroused within you by your father? Could it be that way?
Doing these exercises will change, step by step, your life. There are no enemies, there are teachers. Every situation, every person who makes you feel something different than peace, acceptance and love, says to you the following words: “Look, there is something from the past to work on. Try to recall the moment when you already felt like that, when you met a similar person. Start from the source, from the owners of the two cells from which you were created. There is the source. You have to purify the source and then, the whole space around you will be purified.”
Maybe your birth father does not walk the Earth anymore, maybe he died for you; you do not have to think nor talk about him, you do not have to meet him nor talk to him. It is enough for you to heal your emotions in your heart, to have peaceful internal life. What matters is what is inside of you; other people have their own lives, they have their own emotions, their own internal life to work on.
Maybe your parents did not always live in harmony, maybe they did not create peaceful home and their relationship was not always a dream-come-true for your as a child. Remember that the relationship between your birth parents is their own relationship, you do not have and you did not have any influence on it, you do not bear any responsibility for their relationship, for anything that happened between them.
Your birth father received from his father and grandfather a “luggage” you cannot know about – all fears, traumas, particular attitude to life. Even if you know your grandfather, your father’s birth father, you cannot know what kind of father he was. You met him as his grandchild few decades later. That is not the same thing. When grandchildren come into the world, you are much wiser and taught by life than when your own children were born So respect your unawareness, that is the course of things. Your father gave you everything what he himself received from his father and grandfather. Also certain wounds he may even not know about. Your father is not likely to change. Thinking patterns are already fixed, neural pathways are stable. The only thing you should do is take care of peace in your heart and nourish yourself with gratitude for this one cell thanks to which you live.
There is one more thing. If you do not carry out the process of forgiveness and love in your heart, you will pass the same “luggage” of emotions, wounds and pain on to your children. You are able to give the others only the things that you have and that you have received. If you want to give more, you need to have more. Do you want to give your beloved more love, acceptance and peace? You need to have more of them in yourself.
Exercise for relationship with father.
I will first explain its meaning. Why you will write: “Father, I love you.”? If it is true (if you love), you will write these words without any problem. You know that there are people for whom these words are so hard to say or even write. You will write “I love you, father” because he gave you the cell. Whether he wanted to or not, the cell was his. It is possible for you to read these words thanks to him. You love him for this one cell. I am also happy that you are alive and that you read these words, and that it is thanks to the cells from your birth parents.
Rewrite the following phrases, observe reactions and signs from your body.
1. Father, I love you. I love you, father.
2. Father, I forgive you everything. I forgive you everything, father.
3. Father, I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for everything, father.
4. Father, please, forgive me everything.
5. Father, thank you for everything you have taught me.
Every child has, and if you are father, I assure you that yours also has something to forgive her/his father. Sometimes, memories and wounds are deeply hidden, you may feel them writing this sentence for the first or the thirty-first time. People often cover themselves with a protective shell and hide painful memories deep in their bodies. By writing these phrases, you clean the things that deeply (and sometimes quietly) perish under the thick cover of your everyday life.
Perhaps some memories and situations will return. If the only involvement of your father in your uprising was accidental and involuntary transfer of that one cell, apologize for the fact that, until you read these words, you had so much sorrow and regrets, that you did not understand and maybe still do not understand why it happened.
Just write and feel, observe reactions and signs from your body.
Let’s end with a circle of love. Now, after having written the above phrases, it has a different meaning.
Father, I love you. I love you, father.